


I Mean it When I Say I Hate You

by MartianMarsipan



Category: Wander Over Yonder
Genre: Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Enemies to Lovers, Happy Ending, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-01
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-19 09:43:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7355992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MartianMarsipan/pseuds/MartianMarsipan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was no way Major Threat, the biggest threat this universe has ever known, was going to let himself get pushed into some arranged marriage and have his reputation utterly ruined. He didn't care what he had to do or what he was going to inevitably lose.</p><p>He had to put an end to this marriage.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> No one's made a tumblesquid arranged marriage au so I'm here to help.

This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be happening to biggest terror of the universe.

Major Threat, or ‘Jeff’ to his family, the terror of all galaxies and heir to an expansive empire had an arranged marriage in his near future. The best part? He had no idea who this mystery spouse was or where they came from. He could have asked, but it didn’t matter if he knew or not really, as if knowing their name or species would lessen the fact that he was in an arranged marriage.

Jeff was not a pawn to be married off at somebody else’s will, he was a threat to everything and everyone in the universe. To have a marriage set up _for him_ , without his consent or opinion, was infuriating and even degrading. 

Which was exactly why Jeff was dead set on ending this here and now, determined to come out of this huge argument victorious and with no marriage in sight for a long, long time. But his parents were persistent, this argument had been going on for so long the horned villain had already heard his parent’s explanations three times already. They only made less sense the more Jeff heard them.

“Sweetheart, please,” a soft, about-to-burst-into-tears voice pleaded, “try to understand why we’re doing this-”

“I just can’t, man! One of the worst villains around having a marriage arranged for him, how do you think the rest of the universe is going to take this?!”

His father let out an exasperated sigh, “Son, this will only make our universal presence stronger, with a marriage comes new territory-”

“Oh, come on, one little dinky system of planets is worth my reputation?” The heir scoffed and placed his hands on his hips, how did they not understand how ridiculous this all was? 

“Eugene, did you not tell him?” A perplexed look overtook the emperor’s face and he shook his head, “goodness, and you say _I’m_ forgetful! This could have been over hours ago if he knew!” The empress _tsked_ and smiled fondly at her husband who merely rubbed his temples in irritation. 

“Look, Jeff, we wouldn’t be bothering with any arranged marriage nonsense if we got nothing out of it. This isn’t in exchange for a dinky system of planets- as you so eloquently put it,” Jeff rolled his eyes at the sarcasm, “this is in exchange for a whole galaxy.”

Jeff froze. That wasn’t possible. No mortals could manage to take control of an entire galaxy, this had to be fake.

But his mother just giggled at his objection, “they aren’t _mortal_! That would be such a mess, just imagine the complications of a spouse dying on us, and the heirs as well- Oh! There’s another good reason for this arrangement!” Jeff found a new feeling of rage and disgust bubbling up as his mother’s light green ears began to wiggle with excitement, however he put a lid on that and focused on the bigger issue.

“Well, this just isn’t going to work! Call whatever sap you roped into this whole deal and tell them the wedding’s off!” Strange. Jeff had expected a reaction more like frantic pleading or even anger from his parents, but they only glanced at each other uncomfortably. His mother began to squirm in her seat as she spoke.

“Well, Jeffrey, the thing is… well, this is very important! This is so important that your father and I have decided that if you don’t go through with the wedding, you won’t inherit any part of the empire.”

Jeff sputtered, “whoa- hang on-”

The emperor spoke up, “no, son, _listen_. It’s a privilege to inherit the empire, it may be tradition to pass the throne on to an heir but it’s by no means required. We are immortal, after all.” 

“Come on, man-!”

“This is final, Jeffrey. If you’re not married by the date of the wedding your mother and I won’t be stepping down from our thrones, and you _will_ be written out of the inheritance.” The emperor’s voice was calm and steely, absolutely immoveable. The lady next to him had a face full of anguish and kept shifting in her seat, she was trying her hardest not to cry.

So this wasn’t a joke. This was the real deal. The conqueror was furious, he wouldn’t allow himself to be cornered like a frightened animal. He was going to stop this if it was the last thing he did.

He stormed out of the throne room, pink waves of energy crackling from the gem on his forehead. He already knew what he had to do, he was going to detonate whatever galaxy his fiance came from. Not conquer it, no. The Cthulhu terror was going to reduce it to char and rubble, then find his fiance and their family and squeeze every last drop of life out of them himself.

This would surely get him written out of the inheritance. At best. At worst, he would be exiled, but he was so far under crashing waves of anger and a burning need for revenge, he just couldn’t bring himself to care. The villain just wanted payback, payback for turning him into a pawn to be passed around at someone else’s will. The tall, imposing Cthulhu would not let this crime go unpunished.

Half-way through playing the fantasy of destroying his fiance and their galaxy in his head, he remembered one crucial detail keeping his dream from becoming reality. 

Jeff had no idea where this galaxy was. Flarp, he didn’t even know the species his fiance belonged to! His parents surely wouldn’t tell him now, not after all that fighting.

Static particles of pink began to burst and crackle around the heir as his irritation grew, who else could he possibly ask? He would need somebody trustworthy, capable of warfare, and of course somebody close enough to his parents to know what’s going on. The pink energy faded quickly, Jeff knew just who to ask.

\---------------

“I already know about it, sir, and I can’t help you.” Well there goes that. 

“What do you _mean_ you can’t help, Inkers? This is serious!” Jeff’s right hand man, Captain Inkers, the most deadly and capable inkling of them all apparently couldn’t get Jeff out of this silly marriage.

“It really isn’t that big of a deal, Major Threat.” The captain could not be any less concerned, he wasn’t even facing his boss while trying to convince him this whole thing was okay. Which only made Jeff’s patience wear thin even faster.

“Not that big of a deal?! This is _huge_ , man! We’ll be the laughing stocks of the entire galaxy! Honestly, Inkers, who is going to be scared of some married guy?!” 

“Now, come on, sir-”

“Come on, Inks. Can you think of one villain you’re scared of who’s also married?” Jeff crossed his arms and and glared at his captain, waiting patiently for the squid to respond. He didn’t.

“See! This is going to wreck our rep! And here I was thinking you would be the one to be the angriest about all of this but you’re not even _looking_ at me! What’s your deal?”

Inkers winced and took a deep breath before continuing, “look,sir, I don’t agree with it. _At all_ ,” the captain’s voice sure was tense for someone who thought this really didn’t matter, “but sometimes we just have to be adults about matters like this, Major Threat! This is only going to be the talk of the leaderboard for a couple of months, tops. And when it is you won’t even hear of it, everyone is too scared to gossip about the number one villain for too long.”

“But what about our conquering, what if they cut into that!” Admittedly, Jeff thought this was a useless concern. They would never be married anyway, but he needed to prove a point.

“They won’t. In fact, this marriage is basically just a faster way of conquering, it would take us years to conquer that galaxy and they are literally giving it all to us through one little wedding. Really, sir, you’re not looking at this logically.” 

“Well, even with a ceremony,” which wouldn’t happen, “I’d still have to keep the relationship going! What if we’re completely dominating a planet and then, suddenly, five hundred video calls from home flood our ship! _Then_ what are we going to do?”

Inkers rolled his eyes, “you’re under the impression an _arranged_ marriage is like a regular marriage, sir. Nobody said you had to like each other, maybe your fiance will want nothing to do with you! The most you have to do is just give them an heir to tend to and that should be it.” Of course, Inkers knew the truth about the “mysterious fiance”, but he wouldn’t tell Jeff. Inkers just wanted this conversation to be over, he was a busy squid and this headache inducing conversation only took up his precious time.

Had Inkers turned around, he would have been greeted with a horrified, disgusted expression plastered over the prince’s face. Jeff’s mother had mentioned it earlier, and up until this point it had completely escaped his train of thought. He didn’t want to even consider that possibility.

“I still have to make those heirs, Inkers! Who knows how long _that_ will take!” That was the breaking point. The short captain whipped around to face his boss with an unreadable, but surely negative, emotion contorting his face.

“Alright, sir, that is it! You are acting so… _childish_! But you know what, go ahead! Throw a fit! It doesn’t change anything, the wedding is still going to happen no matter how much you fight it and that’s that!” Just as the green villain began to bristle, Inkers turned around again and began to angrily speed walk off, “come back and talk to me when you’re ready to be an _adult_!”

As soon as the inkling was out of the enraged Cthulhu’s sight, he let out a loud growl of frustration and pink energy had once again begun to make his gem throb. Today was just too much. His parents decide to marry him off, his captain talks down to him as if he could understand how infuriating this all was, and now he’s just standing in some empty hallway about to burst with sheer rage and no one else to turn to. 

With nothing else in sight, Jeff begins to throw and crush any and everything he could find in the hallway in hopes to relieve his temper. But it didn’t work, no amount of tattered and ruined decor could soothe the frightening amount of anger he was feeling. The heir needs another option, he can’t be out of chances to figure out where this fiance was so he could go and wreck his galaxy and everything he loves.

But then again, he would need ships to do that. And Inkers. Jeff’s ears droop a bit, that puts a wrench in his plans. 

Maybe there was nothing else to do.

Jeff shakes his head quickly, his anger returning. He _couldn’t_ give in now, not after all of that! He was _Major Threat_ , a force to be reckoned with and good grop, _had he been reckoned with today_. The heir glances around in hopes of finding an idea and spots a little pink blob at the other end of corridor. An inkling! Jeff grins triumphantly, all hope was not lost.

\---------

Inklings were a mistake. Today was just not Jeff’s day.

After spotting the inkling Jeff chased him down and pulled him off to the side, checking for Inkers or even his parents. Once the coast was clear and the inkling’s astonishment at meeting Major Threat himself had worn off, Jeff had only managed to asked one question. 

Just a simple “do you know anything about my arranged marriage?”

The minion didn’t have the slightest idea of it, and the news had made his face light up. The inkling began to quickly rush out his congratulations and assumptions about how happy Jeff must be, and how lucky his spouse is to be marrying such an esteemed villain! 

Before Jeff could demand him not to spread the news, the little minion was already off and running. Just wonderful, Jeff thought, he knew how fast news traveled through inklings, so fast it had probably already reached Inkers.

The squid man grit his teeth together imagining Inkers getting a sick kick out of how desperate Jeff was to get out of this whole thing. Come on, _inklings_? Jeff should have known better. It finally dawned on him that he was out of options, nobody would or could help him. 

He considered, for a moment, just tearing the whole galaxy apart until there was nothing left, his fiance’s galaxy would have to be in the mix _somewhere_. But he shook his head, he wanted to conquer the universe not destroy it, even if he achieved one goal in the process he’d completely ruin another. 

Finally, Jeff let out a groan and rubbed at his gem. He would have to try his parents again and just hope he could at least get a clue to the whereabouts of his fiance. He didn’t need much, he already knew they were immortal, but just one more distinct hint and he would be good to go.

\----------

Just keep your cool, he kept telling himself. Jeff had spent a good couple of minutes reigning in his hot temper outside of the throne room, breathing in and out, in and out. 

He could do this.

He pushed open the large black and purple doors and was immediately met with the soft, sad gurgling of his mother. Jeff winced a little, the sounds his mother were making are a part of a very strong, expressive part of his native tongue. They don’t have any real meanings, they just existed to express deep emotions that actual words couldn’t express.

This really _did_ mean a lot to them. 

But it meant more to him to get his pride back and keep his reputation. His mother would get over it. 

Jeff cleared his throat, loudly, but his parents showed no reaction, “mom, dad… I did some major thinking, and I think maybe this marriage isn’t so bad!” 

For a while, it was quiet. Jeff internally scoffed, it couldn’t have upset his mother that much. He was here “apologizing”, she should be happy already. The prince was about to say something else when his mother sniffled and looked up.

“Honey, we’re sorry-” 

The pink-eared emperor made a sound of disbelief and cut his wife off, “no we’re not! Jeff’s a full grown adult he should be able to handle this-” 

“ _Eugene_.” the sharp hiss from the normally timid voice made his father go quiet, “Jeff, we know you don’t want to do this but we’re not changing our minds, don’t hate us-”

“No, no, I understand, mom. This is for our benefit, after all.” the empress’ former sad, apologetic expression was replaced by a bright smile.

“Oh, sweetheart, I knew you’d come around! Eugene here tried to tell me it was no good and we might as well just write you out of the inheritance but I kept saying, ‘no, honey a mother is never wrong I know Jeffrey will come around’, and look! Eugene, I told you!” The empress lightly slapped her husband’s arm, who didn’t look half as happy as she did.  
Jeff mentally shrugged, his father wasn’t a concern, his mother would let something slip eventually.

“Right, love. You did. You know, I think this newfound cooperation deserves a little reward, don’t you think?” Jeff’s stark white eyes narrowed, what was his father getting at?

Jeff’s mother lit up even more, if that was possible, “you’re right! It does! Jeffrey, you are going to love this! So we did some chatting with your future hubby’s family,” the heir almost threw up a little, “and let me tell you, we thought we’d be on the video call for _hours_ , we didn’t expect them to be so eager and willing but they were and they were just the sweetest things, the lot of them! Goodness, you’re just going to love them, not to mention your hubby is quite the cutie-”

“Helen.”

“Right, sorry! Well to make a long, exciting story short: they’ve agreed to live with us until the wedding! Isn’t that just so exciting? Oooh you look so shocked I knew you’d be excited!”

Excited was definitely not the word for it. The long bearded Cthulhu next to Helen smirked.

“Well that’s just the greatest thing I’ve heard all day! And you know what, this makes why I came here even more important!” 

“What is it, honey? I assume it’s about your future cuddlebug?” She topped it off with a coy giggle. Jeff had to work that smile to keep it from scrunching up in disgust.

“You know I just got to thinking, these dudes are coming from so far away! They could get real homesick, so I thought to make an even better impression, you could give me a little info on this future family?” Eugene’s eyebrows raised slightly, “Just to make them more comfortable, of course! I only want the best for my future husband!” Jeff mentally pats himself on the back, that was hard to spit out.

Luckily, it was worth it. The light green Cthulhu was ecstatic, Jeff was surprised her immortal heart didn’t give out right then and there, “Of course sweetheart, that’s just so sweet of you! You see, these ‘folks’- that’s a word I learned from them, isn’t it just adorable?- are from a funny little species called-”

Jeff almost screamed when he saw his father quickly shush his mother, “you know, Helen, I think it’d be all the more exciting for Jeff if we put off the big reveal until they got here. More surprise!”

“Eugene, you are so right! Sorry, honey bunch, it was a nice gesture but you know how I love surprises!” Jeff eyed his father, quietly seething as he faked a happy expression. His father smiled in satisfaction.

“Of course, I guess I can only hope they come as quick as they can!” Jeff excused himself, bristling with anger. He was so close. Who taught his father to see through his manipulation? Maybe Inkers warned him or something, this has never happened. He couldn’t dwell on that now though, he had to find a way to deal with this.

Jeff made a beeline for his room, wading his way through happy inklings congratulating him on his wedding. Grop, he should have known better than to tell the inklings about this. 

By the time he reached his room he was greeted with the sight of an amused Inkers, a smirk adorning his mustached face. Jeff glowered.

“Inklings, sir? What would they know?” 

“Flarp, Inkers, I don’t know! I couldn’t just give up!” Jeff threw a hand up to rub his gem again, this whole day has been one massive headache and Inkers’ taunting wasn’t helping.

“Sir, with all due respect, you might as well just let it happen. I’m sure the idea will grow on you, and your ah.. Future husband.. Sure is something!” Inkers brings himself to giggling a bit, but it’s just a little too flat. The tall green conqueror falters for a second, but doesn’t ask.

“So you know who he is? You can’t just keep that from me!” Inkers chuckles and shakes his head.

“Sorry, sir. Under strict order of the empress! No loose lips!” Inkers leans in slightly, eyebrows raised playfully, “It’s for this reason that not even the inklings know, thanks to todays events. They should be here in one week.” Jeff flushes a bright green and huffs. Inkers lets out another little, flat giggle and walks off, finally leaving Jeff to his own.

The Cthulhu slammed the door behind him and put his head in his hands in frustration, he didn’t know what to do. If he waited for his “family” to arrive, he would most likely be forced to spend as much time with them as possible here on his home planet. But at the same time, he had to wait, it was unlikely he’d get any information on the origins of his fiance otherwise.

Jeff sighed in exasperation. This would be a long, long week of waiting.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is sort of short compared to the first but I'll make up for it i promise. also this wasn't beta'd so... hope this turns out okay

“Sir, are you _sure_ you are _completely_ ready to have a conquering spree right now?” The last thing they needed was another fight about the marriage, let alone a fight in the middle of conquering. _That_ could ruin their reputation.

His boss growled noncommittally and tapped the arm of his chair impatiently. Inkers guessed that meant he was willing to risk a tantrum in the middle of conquering, so he went ahead and ordered the inklings to start the search for their first planet.

It takes at least fifteen minutes of arguing for Jeff and Inkers to come to a compromise, Jeff wants to target the biggest planets regardless of worth and Inkers wants to go after the strategically smart planets. Finally, they find one that satisfies both of them. It’s quite a ways away, but they can always kick around some smaller planets on the way to give them a good scare and come back for them later.

It really is ridiculous when Inkers thinks about it, they could start close and work their way up and finish their spree with the planet they’re currently traveling to, but his boss is too stubborn and materialistic to not go for instant gratification. Normally the squid would really put up a fight to do things his way, but if this is what helps Jeff come to terms with the marriage, he’ll just have to put up with it. 

The trip goes surprisingly smoothly and they finally arrive at their first stop, it’s the heart of a fairly big planetary system which also happens to be the biggest planet around these parts, much to Jeff’s delight. The prince just couldn’t wait to strike terror into the hearts of such a densely populated planet. 

Jeff wouldn’t say it out loud, but the planet is quite pretty. It’s a light tangerine orange with luscious light green rings encompassing it, Jeff often took a shining to the planets with rings around them and he wasn’t sure why. But conquerors and evil villains don’t find their targets “pretty”, they just see opportunity.  
That doesn’t stop Jeff from making a very quiet, subtle note to the inklings to wreck the planet as little as they can, though.

“Alright, men, get ready to march out!” Inkers called from his position at the front of the troops, “Annnnd _**MAR**_ -” Before the command could be finished, a loud ringing sounded from the control room.

“Flab _drassit_ who is that!” Jeff began to storm towards the source of the noise before his captain could stop him.

Inkers frantically sprinted ahead of him to check the call, he couldn’t stop his boss from barging in but he could hang up before anything disastrous happened. The squid took one look at the screen and his eyes widened in terror, but before he could slam the “REJECT” button his boss yanked his tentacle away and accepted the call.

“Hel~ _looooo_ , Threat! Long time no see, riiiight?” The captain could already feel the fight coming on as the nasally voice drawled out its words.

“Beat it, Admirable! I’m kind of flarping’ busy right now!” Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad, Jeff will probably just hang up after chewing Admirable out.

Grop, though, Inkers wished the Admiral would just get a chair, it gives him a headache on top of all the headaches he already has to watch him teeter totter around the screen, “Ohhh I _bet_ , Threat. _Verrrrry_ exciting, mmmhm, the whole leaderboard is talking about it!”

Oh no, Inkers tried again to reach the reject button as the narwhal continued, “Now, don’t get me wrong, you’re the least trendy of all the villains but better late than never, mmmhm, it was _all_ the rage a couple thousand years ago! I mean, _IIII’d_ , never do it and it’s not really making a comeback anytime soon, so you’re no trendsetter-”

“Admirable, what the _flarp_ are you talking about?!” The cthulhu squeezed the pink tentacles tightly in anger, Inkers couldn’t get free.

“Oh, was it surprise? Well good thing I spoiled it for you, riiiight? Surprise arranged weddings are _so_ not in-”

The room buzzed with pink energy, “ _ **WEDDING**_?!!” 

“I mean, geez, what _else_ would we be talking about?” The narwhal scoffed,”full offense but you’re like the _least_ interesting guy on the villain board. So for me to actually try and _congratulate_ you on something _cool_ like, says a lot. I mean, honestly, you look you just crawled out of an abyss from a hundred bajillion years ago! Get with the program, Threat-”

“ADMIRABLE!!” Jeff’s rival stared at him with a scandalized expression, “ _ **how do you know about the wedding**_.”

The moustached villain tittered, “How I get _all_ of my gossip, through the grapevine! One of my little minions told me about it,” 

Jeff glared at the inklings that had migrated to the control room to watch the show, “and when I heard I just _had_ to tell _everyone_ , it’s such a step up for you, Threat! Normally all we hear about is you just conquering planets which is cool and all but this is something, kudos for trying to make yourself more interesting! It’s a good start, but maybe do something a little more… _in_ next time!”

The cthulhu stopped listening after he heard Admirable had told everyone on the leaderboard. They all know. The very thing he had been trying to avoid, and it’s already happened. The incessant rambling of his rival became white noise as the energy from his gem made his head pulse, time was standing still as intense fury began to dawn over Jeff.

Meanwhile, Inkers thanked grop that due to Jeff’s freeze up the grip on his tentacles had slackened and he was able to squiggle one tentacle free and end the call. 

Without the chattering of Admirable it had become dead silent.

“Sir- _it’s just Admirable_. Don’t let him get to you.” Nothing. Not a word from Jeff, but the captain swears he could feel the heat from the pink energy on his back.

“Inkers.” Jeff’s breathing became heavy, “you are going to tell me where this fiance’s galaxy is.”

The captain blinked and slowly turned around to face his boss, “I can’t do that sir.”

Jeff leaned in to Inker’s to the point of almost bumping their foreheads together, “well you _are_ , if you know what’s good for you.” The squid began to lean away from Jeff’s hard glare slowly, only causing the cthulhu’s voice to lower menacingly, “it can all be over, Inkers. We can forget about this marriage nonsense if you just… tell me where he is! We can just head over there and wreck the place. My mother won’t have to know until it’s all over.”

The squid shook his head, suddenly furious. He was _not_ going to be backed into a corner like this! The second in command stood up straight, shoving his face right back into his boss’s.

“Sir, this is _ridiculous_! I am not going to tell you where the galaxy is and I’m certainly not going to let you destroy it! All that territory going to waste because you can’t grow up and get over it!” Jeff shot daggers through Inkers and yanked himself back up to tower threateningly over the captain.

“ _Do you not **get it**_?! Did you not just hear Admirable, _everyone knows_!” Inkers rolled his eyes.

“And nobody cares! Sir nobody even likes Admirable who cares if he called us just to taunt you, that’s what he does!!” But Jeff had already whipped around and began to head towards the inklings, hands clenched at his sides.

“And you! Which one of you squealed! _**SPEAK UP**_!!” A mass of cowering inklings was practically plastered against the wall, a big, trembling, pink mess. The squid marched towards his boss and yanked him back around to face him.

“Knock it off, sir! What did you expect from them, they’re inklings!! In fact,” Pink energy crackled frighteningly from Jeff’s gem, “the only reason the inklings had anything to gossip about is because _**you**_ couldn’t be an adult! The only reason Admirable knows anything about the marriage is because- that’s right- _**you were being a child**_!”

The cthulhu prince opened his mouth to really let Inkers have it, but his second in command didn’t let him, “ _ **let me finish**_! I am so sick and tired of you throwing tantrums and _actually_ ruining our reputation because you can’t just be an adult about this! Grop darn it, sir, do you know where we could be right now if you hadn’t lost your temper over some pretentious hipster? We could be starting a raid on our fourth planet! But you just keeping making everything that isn’t a problem into a huge problem! You have nobody to blame for this but _yourself_!”

That was a mistake. A huge mistake. Jeff’s teeth were clenched, white eyes wide with fury and they were only made more intimidating by the pink illumination radiating from his gem. 

But _grop_ did it feel good to get that off of his chest.

“You think you can speak to me like that?!” Growls began to rumble in the cthulhu’s throat. 

“Someone has to tell you how _childish_ you’re being!” That was all he had to say, Inkers braced himself for the moment when Jeff’s fury was unleashed and he turned his captain into calamari.

It didn’t happen. The rumbling growls became stronger, which Inkers would admit was a little intimidating, it was a very strong expression of anger after all, but the only thing that came out of the suspense was Jeff storming out, throwing the inklings out of his way as he tore through the hallways.

Inklings began to swarm to each other, relieved to be alive, hugging each other around their captain who merely sighed and shook his head.

“Inklings, set the coordinates for home.” The pink minions scrambled to get to their stations, some still holding tentacles or struggling to stay close enough to. Inkers just sighed and sat down in front of the control panels, grumbling. 

He hates coming home empty tentacled. And he hates dealing with an angry Jeff the whole trip home even more, the headache he’ll have by the time they make it home will be one to remember.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is up.. I'm still here, sorry updates have been slow i've actually been having trouble... figuring out what to do. so idk i decided to go with the slightly big time skip bc... it's time

“Jeffrey, stand up straight! They’ll be here any minute!” Jeff groaned at the excitement in his mother’s voice. It had been four days since his attempt at conquering, and Jeff had nothing to show for it. 

Inkers decided to spill the beans to the emperor, which resulted in Jeff being barred from any and all resources he previously had. Not that they would be of much use, he already tried everything on day one. Not a clue to be found.

Even though he was currently waiting outside for his fiance with his parents and Inkers, who’s been snickering the whole time, he definitely had not accepted defeat. 

In fact, this was great. Killing his fiance in cold blood was a great way to kick off his plan for destruction, bonus points if he could get his fiance’s parents as well. So Inkers could laugh and giggle all he wanted, he couldn’t stop Jeff when he could actually, physically corner his unlucky spouse-to-be.

“Sir, lighten up, I’m sure you’ll learn to love him! I mean,” Inkers turns to Eugene, “that’s what scruffy is going for, right?” The pink squid stifles another giggle and elbows the emperor, who cough-laughs in return. 

“So _help_ me, man, I’ll-” Jeff’s growling is cut short when his mother grabs his arm excitedly.

“Stop it, Jeffrey, they’re here!” Helen points up into the sky and the prince isn’t sure what he’s supposed to be looking at. There’s not a ship or even a car in sight, just an orbubble filled with two fur-covered creatures and what looks like a zbornak. But that can’t be right-

“Helen, is that you, sugar?” The long haired, light blue fuzzy creature calls out with a thick southern accent. They can’t _possibly_ be royalty.

“We’re over here, Nova!” Helen waves her hand around and smiles brightly at her son. Realization dawns over Jeff, this isn’t a joke. This is the real deal. He frantically looks back at the orbubble, maybe his eyes are playing tricks on him. 

The blue one, Nova, turns around to the orange creature and fusses with the fur on his head, licking her also furry thumbs and running them over the orange tufts. The orange creature himself is fluffing up his fur skirt and dusting off the shoulder that the zbornak was previously rubbing affectionately. So that’s Jeff’s fiance, even though he can’t see the orange face too clearly, he already feels his stomach knotting up with disgust.

Jeff leans down and angrily whispers to Inkers, “this is a _joke_ , right? You can call it off now, dude, I’ve had enough!” 

The captain shakes his head and stifles another laugh, “n-not a joke, sir-”

“ _Jeffrey_!” Helen yanks her son back up to standing position. Jeff gives a nasty glare down at his captain as the squid continues to giggle and snicker, even the emperor lets out what sounds like a laugh. There’s hardly time for Jeff to flatten his ears in anger as the orbubble has already landed, and Nova immediately runs to Jeff’s mother, giving her a tight hug. Jeff’s a little taken aback, who greets _royalty_ like that? Fellow royalty more than anybody should know proper greeting manners. 

“I’m just so delighted to meet y’all! This handsome fella must be Jeff, oh, Helen, he’s just as cute as you said he was!” Jeff is stunned at the sudden hug from the yellow alien, thankfully it’s brief but still just as surprising. Inkers sure gets a kick out of it, though. He doesn’t think to glare yet again at Inkers, his eyes wander over to the orange creature and the zbornak, who are currently engulfed in a tight hug from the empress.

 

The blue lady apparently notices, because she giggles and looks over at her son excitedly, “well, I can see you’re just achin’ to meet your fiance!” she leans up towards Jeff, who doesn’t have any intentions to meet her down half-way, “he’s just been so excited to see you, we’ve heard about you all over the universe, and when he heard it was you he was getting married to, well he just couldn’t stop talkin’ ‘bout it! He’s been _dyin_ ’ to officially meet ya!”

Funny she should mention dying. Nova releases her grip on the tall squid man and ushers her son forward. “Prince Jeffrey, this is my son; Wander!”

Once again, the first greeting Jeff gets from his fuzzy fiance is a tight hug around the legs. He’s uncomfortable, to say the least, because everyone’s eyes are on him. This is the moment they’d been waiting for, and here he was giving it away that he was trying his hardest not to blow up then and there. He especially didn’t like the admittedly intimidating stare from the blue zbornak. Jeff could already tell she would be quite the obstacle in his path of destruction.

Apparently being stunned silent was apparently an exceptional response, the cthulhu could hear his mother excitedly whispering to his father and Inkers, “Eugene, look at how _adorable_ they are!” the emperor responds with a noncommittal grunt, “and you, Captain Inkers, I _told_ you they’d absolutely adore each other!” 

Jeff fights to keep his steadily growing anger in check, he was sure “adored” wasn’t the word he would use to describe how he feels about his fiance. Far from it, in fact, if he didn’t have to restrain himself the little hairball would be ashes by now.

Finally, the orange prince steps back and looks up at Jeff, his smile practically splitting his face in two. The cthulhu almost grimaces.

“It’s so excitin’ to finally meet you! I’ve been meanin’ to swing by your ship for so long but this is even _better_!” Wander lets out a small squeak of excitement and clambers up Jeff to give him another tight hug. The pink gem begins to crackle with energy, the zbornak of course takes notice and begins to crack her knuckles. The clear cut signal of irritation goes right over the two mothers’ heads, and they coo and _aww_ as if the crackling was a sign of being flustered rather than aggression. Jeff isn’t sure how much longer he can do this.

“Oh, goodness, I almost forgot!” Nova hurries over to stand in front of Jeff and next to the zbornak, she pushes the large, scaly alien forward slightly.

“Jeffrey, this is Wander’s best friend and royal guard, Miss Sylvia!” The zbornak shoves a tense hand towards the tall prince. Jeff grimaces as he reaches down to shake, he can feel the clump of fur clinging to him even more with every movement.

“‘S a pleasure.” Her voice is dripping with insincerity. Whatever, Jeff doesn’t want her here just as much as she doesn’t want to be here. 

“Honey bunch, I know you’re excited, but I think it’s high time we headed inside,” _Finally_ after far too long somebody comes to Jeff’s rescue, “besides, there’ll be plenty ‘a time for that soon enough!” 

His sudden overwhelming need to vomit takes away from his relief. Jeff catches sight of orange eyebrows wiggling suggestively and he can just about taste the raw meat from earlier coming back up his throat.

The hairball clambers down from the cthulhu’s neck and rushes over to his blue friend excitedly. Jeff scoffs, brushes off his shoulders and begins to head towards the castle when an orange figure darts up beside him and grabs his hand. 

Jeff lets a small growl slip from the sudden display of affection and the zbornak on the other side of Wander huffed threateningly. Luckily the nasty glare Jeff shot her way was out of Wander’s line of sight, something tells Jeff that his own parents and Wander’s mother would be more inclined to be worried if Wander came to them saying something was wrong rather than his bodyguard. So her obvious hatred of the tall prince didn’t bother him in the slightest.

What did bother him was the obvious _affection_ his fiance was showering him with, it was going to be all the harder to wait and not blow him to bits on sight. As if his small fiance could read his thoughts, big, green eyes practically shining with pure love glanced up at him again. 

And Inkers said Jeff didn’t have any self control.

**Author's Note:**

> Next chapter coming soon ;p advice, as always, is very much appreciated.


End file.
